GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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