so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
