I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
