and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
