just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
