would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
