im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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