Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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