TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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