I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
