So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
