Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
