how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
