perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i think i just lost a toe
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
