I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
