Pappa wants mamma naked
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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