We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
