My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
