he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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