He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
