Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
