You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
