i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
