i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
