I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
