dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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