theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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