I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
4 words: hood of his car
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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