I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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