i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
