Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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