You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
