I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
