I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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