I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
