i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
