Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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