Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
