you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
