Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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