I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
