Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All the doctor said was why
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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