Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
