I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
