i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
