Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
