Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
