i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude i'm inner monologue high
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
