brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
