We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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