He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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